In a part of the Nintendo Direct that many people may not have noticed (because only Nintendo of America covered this in their presentation at all), there’s talk of ‘exclusive content for Mario Kart 7 and Mario 3D Land’ coming soon to the 3DS. Yes, DLC/content for games that’s been out nearly two years.
In this age of DLC, decent internet connectivity and other such things, you’d think patches for game breaking bugs would be more common. After all, you can actually deliver them to the customers now and take care of the issues that somehow slipped through the radar in development.
Unfortunately, Nintendo seems to have stopped bothering with them altogether. Indeed, ever since Mario Kart 7 was patched back in May 2012, it seems like Nintendo hasn’t really be doing a lot in regards to fix even worse issues that have popped up in the meantime, like those in Luigi’s Mansion Dark Moon and Mario & Luigi Dream Team. So here are three games for the 3DS that I think should be patched and what Nintendo should do to fix them.
3. Mario Kart 7; Yet More Glitch Shortcuts that slipped through the net…
The first game on the list is a game which actually got patched for similar issues the first time around, namely Mario Kart 7. But while Nintendo managed to fix the glitches in Wuhu Mountain Loop, Wuhu Island Loop and Bowser Castle 1 with a well timed patch/update a year or so ago, various other ones have cropped up in the meantime that need to be taken out as well. Like the Daisy Cruiser glitch…
The Neo Bowser City one…
The Luigi’s Mansion one…
and even stuff like the Koopa Cape one that’s been left there for nigh on two years now for no apparent reason…
So I think that someone at Nintendo needs to considering releasing yet another patch for this game, especially now that shortcuts and glitches are popping up all over the place and many of them are just as broken as any of the ones patched the first time around.
No, the title is not a lie. Thought the old media were over this whole ‘video games are evil’ thing and learnt to do actual research when discussing them? Well apparently this isn’t the case, since this new Guardian article is just plain ridiculous in how badly researched and thought out it is. Here’s the address (not linked to avoid helping their search engine rankings):
So let’s see where this whole thing falls apart. First of all, we’ve got a ridiculously misleading claim, namely that:
a Guardian analysis of the top 50 video games sold in 2012 found more than half contain violent content labels
Except take one look at what types of games the Guardian chart lists alongside the likes of Call of Duty and Battlefield as ‘violent’ games:
Pokemon Black and White Versions 2
Super Mario 3D Land
Mario Party 9
Wii Sports Resort
The Guardian’s ‘violent game’ choices are questionable at best.
I’m sorry, but what? When the hell was Super Mario 3D Land ever seen as a violent game? In fact, I’ll check the box right now:
Age Rating: 3+
Content Warnings: None
Above: Totally a violent video game.
Okay then. Similarly, from what I can tell, the likes of Pokemon Black and White 2 got the same age rating too. Can’t see any content warnings here either. Maybe I should check the PEGI site…
Nope, don’t see much here (then again, the site doesn’t seem to be responding at all where I am, which is probably kind of ironic in a sense). So off the bat it seems this article is using misleading or false data to back up a misleading headline.
And even if ‘comic mischief’ or ‘cartoon violence’ is mentioned, this is obviously no reason to list a game as violent. They do say if it’s excluded over half are still considered ‘violent’, but from what I can tell it seems like this clearly wouldn’t be the case.
For that alone, it seems like they’re presenting this data in a deliberate misleading way to draw in visitors, counting things that aren’t even taken seriously by their data source (the ESRB itself) and throwing them in with games with actual violent content to inflate statistics.
Above: Pokemon Black and White 2 violent? When did The Guardian side with PETA?
The suggested audience thing is kind of hilarious too, if only because it pretty much says that ‘mature’ games don’t actually make up that large a portion of the market. Yet they don’t mention this data at all, completely trying to ignore how more than 60% of all best selling games in 2012 were rated Teen or under.
Above: The title implies many best selling video games are violent, include guns, etc. Or that most do.
The very stats however show a different story. Only about 50% of top selling games are ‘violent’, most are not M rated and most don’t have guns.
What the headline implies and what the (extremely misleading) stats point out do not correlate in any real fashion. It’s pretty much tabloid style writing for hits rather than analysising the facts in a fair and unbiased manner. It’s also a terrible article in that only a paragraph and video actually has anything remotely like an opinion being stated, with no real ‘analysis’ of the data whatsoever.
It’s been quite a while since the last one was released that fixed Maka Wuhu, Wuhu Island Loop and Bowser Castle 1, but is it now time for another Mario Kart update to fix the new glitches people have found since then?
Because as of this point in time, the amount of glitch shortcuts found in the game has absolutely soared upwards, so perhaps it’s time to fix some of the new ones people are taking advantage of online. Like the Neo Bowser City shortcut:
The Luigi’s Mansion shortcut:
The Daisy Cruiser shortcut…
Heck, might as well fix the old ones in Shy Guy Bazaar, DK Jungle and Koopa Cape too, they’re not exactly the easiest or most useful to pull off, but they’re still glitches certain players might be abusing in high VR rooms.
In fact, isn’t it funny how there are more glitches and shortcuts people can use now than there were before the patch was even released? Most of the ones shown above are even as effective as the non Wuhu Mountain Loop glitches Nintendo patched the first time around, or sometimes even more so.
So is it time Nintendo released another patch? Because we’ve now got at least six major shortcut glitches in the game that people are using in online multiplayer and what seems like another few that have only been found recently (there’s a few promising findings in Maple Treeway for example). If Nintendo doesn’t want this game to end up like it was before when Maka Wuhu was picked every second race, then they should definitely be thinking of patching these to avoid the likes of Daisy Cruiser, Neo Bowser City and Luigi’s Mansion becoming glitch user havens and seen every few races for easy VR.
Basically, you fly over the bridge and get the item box there, and return over the other side. This makes the game think you’re in last for a short period of time, so you end up with an item like a Bullet Bill, Lightning or Blue Shell like you would if you were at the back of the pack! And since you end up back on the track afterwards, you end up with a ridiculously overpowered item in first place!
Great work for finding it jewelsc79! Looks like Toad Circuit will be made a bit bearable online now! And for the people who like to abuse it for its simplicity like those tournament players and Final Destination in Super Smash Bros, maybe this added bit of randomness will get you to actually choose a different track or two!
So what do you think about this glitch? Is it pretty neat?
Well, this is an unexpected turn up for the books. I was just playing Mario Kart 7 like normal, chose the Lightning Cup and ended up with a friend’s Mii randomly appearing as one of the racers!
Is that even meant to happen? Because nothing on Mario Wiki or GameFAQs says anything about it, and this wasn’t a custom Grand Prix, just the bog standard Lightning Cup one you choose in Single Player mode. Yet there it was, some random person’s Mii racing along in last place and not really doing anything important. Here are some pics to prove it:
As you can clearly see, there’s a Mii in last place in this Grand Prix cup, despite the fact it’s not set as a custom GP at all and is only one of the default cups you play in single player.
So how did this occur? Are Miis meant to appear in single player at random? Or did some random thing break that I didn’t know about?
Generally, most Mario Kart tracks are fairly good. You’ve got classics like Wario Stadium, Airship Fortress and Waluigi Pinball, you’ve got interesting new ones like Mario Kart 7′s Rainbow Road and Mario Kart Wii’s Koopa Cape, and generally most of the other ones will at least have some semblance of a fandom who think they’re among the best tracks in the series.
But unfortunately, some tracks just don’t measure up to the high standards expected of the Mario Kart series. Whether it’s through poor design, boring visuals or being plain broken, they’re just bad tracks that people just don’t find that fun. So here are the ten worst tracks in Mario Kart history.
Note: Not counting those from Arcade GP, due to their generally boring and fenced in designs.
1. Vanilla Lake (Super Mario Kart)
Any Super Mario Kart or Super Circuit player knows why, ice + ice blocks you can break by hitting them equal a miserable experience.
And the worst thing about it is that the distance between the ice blocks/cubes is tiny, so it’s likely you’ll be stuck in what’s basically a maze of breakable blocks as your rivals speed past unhindered due to their magic AI path finding skills.
Two mediocre courses, and two I really, really don’t want to see back in another Mario Kart game any time soon.
2. DK Pass (Mario Kart DS)
Also known as that one track which makes every mistake in the book (snow + slippery icy floors, bland design and nothing to do with the series), DK Pass is an infuriating track that practically no one wants to play in either Mario Kart DS or Mario Kart 7.
Not only do you have fairly sharp turns on ice covered floors that send you in every which direction, but you’ve got snow on the outside which slows you to practically a standstill. And let’s not even get into mentioning those annoying snowballs that roll down the mountain at random, the snowmen you’ll likely to smash straight into or the fact you can’t do the damn obvious and glide across the part before the finish line because Nintendo seems terrified of letting anyone actually use their initiative for once.
Did I mention it has nothing to do with Donkey Kong bar the name, and ‘robbed’ us of getting any sort of jungle level? Or that DK Snowboard Pass is literally this track done ten million times better? DK Pass is just bland as well as annoying.
And while it does have a nice ‘super item box’ which gives you Stars and Mushrooms, the track itself is just so boring, so annoying to play and so unexciting it’s pretty much the worst level in every game it appears in.
3. Yoshi Falls (Mario Kart DS)
In third place is another track from Mario Kart DS in the form of Yoshi Falls. Why is it here?
Well to be honest, it’s just a plain boring track with very little to keep it interesting, and only serves as yet more tedious luck based racing after the equally dull Figure Eight Circuit. Yes it’s themed after Yoshi and has a giant Yoshi egg in the middle, and there are waterfalls, but nothing here really stands out as interesting, with the track just being a simple loop.
Yoshi Falls is just another dull track with no real redeeming features, and hence it makes the third spot on the worst tracks list.
4. Shy Guy Beach (Mario Kart Wii)
No, I didn’t make a mistake and definitely did mean Mario Kart Wii here. Yes I know Shy Guy Beach originated in Mario Kart Super Circuit, but do you know why that game isn’t the one listed?
Because in Super Circuit, Shy Guy Beach was a bearable track. Why? Well in Mario Kart Super Circuit, going off road didn’t slow you to a crawl, karts had fairly even stats that meant certain vehicles weren’t ludicrously overpowered in certain tracks (such as the Magikruiser on this and Sherbet Land and karts with the Red Monster tyres on Neo Bowser City from 7). And karts could far more easily jump the watery parts of the track.
In Mario Kart Wii however, all balance went out the window and this track just become a mess. Now going in the water was guaranteed to slow you right down, to the point most high speed vehicles were practically useless here. And high off road ones like the Magikruiser could cut straight through everything without slowing down in the slightest.
This track makes the list because it’s broken. If you play using the Magikruiser, enjoy your easy win. If you’re playing with a low off road vehicle or on automatic, enjoy a likely hopeless loss.
5. Sherbet Land (Mario Kart Wii)
Same reasoning as above here, because like Shy Guy Beach, Sherbet Land was a fun track in its original game. But the changes in Mario Kart Wii just make it unplayable.
What changes? How about the fact the entire track is counted as off road, so any kart with a high off road stat will probably win by about five seconds a time. Or how about the fact some karts have poor steering and have no way in hell to get around this track without slamming into every wall and giving the driver a dangerous case of whiplash. Seriously, the likes of the Aero Glider and Torpedo/Spear have no possible way to navigate this course at top speed without smashing into at least one wall or obstacle. True, the former doesn’t have much chance at navigating any course without hitting something due to practically non existent steering, but Sherbet Land is still a very poorly thought out course in Mario Kart Wii if certain vehicles can’t really navigate it properly.
Sherbet Land from Mario Kart 64 was an okay track, but the Mario Kart Wii version was a disaster and that’s why it makes the list.
6. Any starting track (all games from 64 onwards)
Yes, all of them. Luigi Raceway, Peach Circuit, Luigi Circuit (both ones), Figure Eight Circuit, Toad Circuit, they’re all tracks I think are pretty terrible. Why? Well there are two things I think make them bad.
For one thing, the point of Mario Kart is to be a racing game set in the Mario universe with Mario characters. None of these dull tracks seem like they’re based on the Mario franchise, they could easily be shoved in any realistic Formula 1 or NASCAR racing game on the market with only the background and some minor decoration needing to be changed. That’s not what I play Mario Kart game for, and I think it really ruins the whole ‘racing in the Mushroom Kingdom’ feel of the game to have a bland, real world style racing circuit as the first level.
The second issue is that unlike realistic simulation racing games, Mario Kart is not purely a game of skill. Would a basic track with no obstacles be a good show of skill in one of those or real life? Maybe. But Mario Kart is not like that. Most races take place in local or online multiplayer, where random items make a large part of the game. And because you don’t need any real skill to get around one of these basic tracks, it means the one person who gets lucky with items will win regardless of skill level. Chased by a Blue Shell? Can’t dodge it without luck in every game bar DS and maybe 64 since you’d need a lucky timed Mushroom to get out the way. Lightning? No one can really fight against the effects, because you can neither fall off or use a cannon to dodge the blast or hope the difficulty of the track holds back your opponents. It just makes the luck based element of Mario Kart super apparent, and it makes these tracks not in the least bit fun to play.
7. Choco Island 2 (Super Mario Kart and Mario Kart DS)
Yet another track with annoying off road elements, Choco Island 2 is aggravating simply due to how overpowered the off road terrain is. Seriously, put just one wheel in the mud here, and your kart slows right to a crawl like it was going through quicksand. Then when you add in how tight the corners you have to turn are here, you realise how annoying it is to play.
The other problem with the track is simply that it’s one of the most boring ones in the series visually. What colour is everything? Brown. With a bit of orange here and there to make it look even more bland. Sure that’s what a desert is meant to be like, but just look at the screenshot, it’s so damn uninteresting as to drain your will to live.
Choco Island 2 is just a disaster of a track, with poor design, bad off road driving mechanics and a visual look that holds no appeal for anyone whatsoever.
8. Wuhu Island/Mountain Loop (Mario Kart 7)
Next on the list are two mediocre tracks from Mario Kart 7 that honestly shouldn’t have even been included in the Mario Kart series. Wuhu Island may look nice in Wii Sports Resort, but it has nothing to do with Mario and just does not belong in a Mario game.
Miis are fine, including whole levels based on the bland Wii games is just an insult to the Mario franchise.
And the tracks are broken as heck! Remember how both Wuhu Island Loop and Wuhu Mountain Loop had at least one game breaking glitch shortcut each? Yeah, not only did Nintendo decide to include tracks with no connection to the Mario series, but they then didn’t bother to test them properly and caused them to be spammed to death online for months until a patch was implemented. Thanks for that. Thanks for making it so Mario fans who already hated the tracks had to play them every other race so talentless hacks could get cheap wins by using glitches online.
Wuhu Island Loop and Wuhu Mountain Loop are terrible tracks, and I hope they turn out to be the last ever Wii Sports themed tracks in the series.
9. Yoshi Valley (Mario Kart 64)
Long tracks aren’t bad, but this level is just ridiculous. For one thing, it’s a freaking maze! Yes, a maze in a racing game of all things! And what’s worse, it’s a pretty annoying maze that’s extremely easy to get lost in and doesn’t even take up more than half of the race course.
It’s a pity, I liked the look of the level and the theme, it’s just not a particularly fun track to race on because of the unorthodox layout and and almost marathon level feel that never means it never seems to end. Yoshi valley is a good idea executed very poorly, and that’s why it makes the list.
10. Lakeside Park (Mario Kart Super Circuit)
Finally, at the last spot on the list is Lakeside Park. This track’s theme was of a volcanic raceway next to an open lake, and while it’s not particularly broken or luck based, it seems like it’s designed to troll the player more than anything.
For example, at about halfway round, it’s extremely easy to mess up and fly over a fence to an earlier point, ending up about half a lap before your opponents. That’d already be bad news in a game like Mario Kart 7 with decent controls and physics, but in Mario Kart Super Circuit where the gameplay feels like it’s on ice? It’s just plain annoying.
Add that to falling volcanic debris like that in Mario Kart Wii’s Grumble Volcano and tight corners that need to be taken with a high level of precision, and Lakeside Park is just an annoying, incredibly cruelly designed track in general.
So those are the ten worst tracks in the Mario Kart series! Here’s an extra one from Arcade GP for good measure (it was barred from the main list due to how dull the game’s track designs are in general)…
11. Rainbow Road (Mario Kart Arcade GP)
What makes Rainbow Road memorable other than graphics and music? Difficulty? Chance of falling off? Shortcuts? Well Mario Kart Arcade GP has none of this. Not only is its version of Rainbow Road entirely fenced in (making it impossible to mess up or try and skip any of the track), but it’s just so slow and boring, and it doesn’t even make a full circuit! Here’s a video:
Above: No launchers, no jumps, no loops or corkscrews and no chance of failing. What a dull Rainbow Road.
It might look nice, but it just doesn’t seem that interesting when you can’t really mess up or try anything new. And without even the Chain Chomps from the Nintendo 64 one, Arcade GP’s Rainbow Road seems like a hollow, empty experience.
Agree or disagree with the list for whatever reason? Think I forgot a really terrible Mario Kart track or listed one of your favourites? Comment away, we’d love to hear your thoughts on what Mario Kart tracks are the worst!
And check in soon for a list of the twenty best Mario Kart tracks!
You know, I can definitely tell what people mean when they say the game was rushed now, some of these are ridiculous things to have in a finished game. For example, here’s another new video of the game someone made showing three more interesting glitches (some of which are shortcuts) in Mario Kart 7:
The first one has to be the most amusing though. Seriously, the player’s kart just goes straight through a concrete wall like it wasn’t even there, without even using a Mushroom or jumping! Yes, I managed to replicate the bug myself, and you do go straight through the barrier and fall out of bounds without even having to do more than drive into the wall!
The other two shown are a bit worrying though. The first is merely a glitch with no beneficial use whatsoever, but these two could very easily be used as shortcuts to cheat online and do well in time trials. The Shy Guy Bazaar one is weird, you just clip through a random wall at high speed and end up falling out of bounds somehow. Guess someone at Nintendo’s testing labs was slacking off when this course was being tested…
The second one is a shortcut on Maple Treeway which cuts off most of a bend. Well, there’s some debat over whether it saves time or not, the distance you cut is so minimal and the angle required so precise that certain people claim it just slows you down, but I suspect if someone can do this glitch at high speed, then they’ll definitely shave off a few seconds.
Finally, here’s an absolute TON of useful glitches and shortcuts taken from another video by the guy who made the one shown above:
Talk about showing that Mario Kart 7 is buggy as hell! You can fly out of bounds, skip huge sections of track with no penalty and fall through walls all over the place in this game! Online will never be the same again…
But what do you think of all these new glitches and shortcuts? Are they interesting, or will they eventually kill off Mario Kart 7′s wifi multiplayer for good?
Oh dear. First there was the Daisy Cruiser glitch. Next was the Neo Bowser City one. And now? It turns out Luigi’s Mansion has a theoretically major shortcut glitch in it too! Here’s a video showing the glitch in action:
As you can see, it’s another fairly useful shortcut to pull off, taking you right from the steps to the back door of the mansion and skipping a good turn or two in the process. Not sure how difficult it is to pull off, but damn, it seems like this could be something people could use on wifi.
So there’s another track broken. Are you happy Luigi’s Mansion is the next Wuhu Mountain Loop? Or are you worried that the game’s being torn apart and all manner of glitches found that could make online multiplayer into a miserable experience?
Looks like it’s time Nintendo started thinking about another patch or something, since with this and the Daisy Cruiser glitch, we’ve nearly got as many working glitches now as we did before. Still, it’s another major shortcut, this time cutting off as much as 10 seconds from the lap time. Here’s a video:
As you can see, the player lands on top of the roof and boosts upwards to the section of the level just prior to the sharp turns and final tunnel, cutting out a fairly major chunk of the track in the process. It’s not quite as broken as Wuhu Mountain Loop’s glitch was, but it’s definitely in the same league as the ones at Bowser Castle 1 and Wuhu Island Loop, and it doesn’t even require you to fall off the track to complete it.
So yes, that’s yet another Mario Kart 7 track completely broken and soon to be unusable on wifi. Seems like Nintendo rushing the game and not testing properly has really come back to haunt them…